Happy Little Thoughts

It never ceases to amaze me that nights like this roll around and no matter how exhausted I am, once my head hits the pillow my mind begins to whirl into a vortex of unanswered questions and audacious whimsy. These are the nights where, if I’m not careful, my imagination gets carried away in unrealistic possibilities of concerns that were nonexistent just five minutes before I began my journey to slumber. Call what you want, I simply blame it on my humanity. 

Life is exciting these days. Graduation is only 69 days away, my comprehensive exams are in 28 days, and the ball is rolling on my move back to the west coast. Further, my plans for after graduation started changing in December and now they seem to have taken a semi-permanent hold for whatever reason.The irony?

I am okay with this.

Truly, in my heart of hearts, while I still have questions and wonder, I am overwhelmed with an ‘everything is going to work out’ kind of a feeling.

This is new - but I’m embracing it.

I painted this last summer:  

I’m no artist - simply a creative soul looking for ways to put things together. This was something I believe was guided by what God was speaking to my heart. It was sketched many times on paper before it was ever executed on canvas. It hangs in my room and see it each day. Yesterday, as I was lost in thought, I began to ponder. ‘Step by step. Do I have the faith to trust my Father step by step? Do I believe He will guide me step by step? What will happen if I don’t like where I end up?’ Cue the ‘W’ questions that often scream so loudly they overwhelm the still, small voice of peace.

It whispers, Step by step, the way will open up for you. [proverbs 4:12]

And there it comes - like cool water - calm relief. What a good Father to walk with us step by step - not day by day, year by year, decade by decade - He wants to be a part of each step! He is concerned with each step! He celebrates each step! He doesn’t point us in a direction and say, “You did it right if I’m waiting on the other side.” No, he walks with us - step. by. step. 

God has been above and beyond faithful - so my questions are useless, though He is patient. There is something to be said of timing & faith - it’s like being pruned - pain with a purpose. This is a time of growing in my faith to trust Him in His plans and His timing. The plans I have held onto for the lat 18 months are changing, and I anticipate for the better.

So at 1 AM, when my eyes are tired, my body exhausted, and my mind racing, my heart finds rest as my soul replies: 

My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness;
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly lean on Jesus’ name.

On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand,
All other ground is sinking sand.